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Monday, May 16, 2005

Five Things I Don't Get

John over at the Catholic Packer Fan tagged me with this meme. I thought it would be hard, as I feared I am merely an automaton in the conservative-white-male-military-Vast-Right-Wing-Conspiracy. It turned out to be easy once I got started.

List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can't really understand the fuss over.

1) Spike TV. OK, I don’t have cable, so this is a cop-out right away. A cable channel for men? Don’t we already have four ESPNs, History Channel, Discovery, A&E, and Sci-Fi? Silly, I think.

2) Low rise pants on women. Thankfully, Mrs. Hammer agrees with me on this one. Low rise pants are NOT attractive, ladies. They look weird, not because they are different (well, maybe a little bit of this), but because of the shape of the female figure. They don’t make you look more attractive…at least not physically. I do have some insight into this one because I ranted about it to a student, who bluntly stated, “Sir, girls in low-rise pants are ready for action.” There you have it – they make you attractive by loudly blaring your low moral character. Like many things, the perception is what matters, right or wrong.

3) SUV’s. They cost too much to buy, too much to gas up, too much to maintain and too much to insure. The benefit? Less cargo space than my minivan. I’m not too holy to be into status symbols (I did have 5k down on a BMW M3 before I met Mrs. Hammer, after all) – I’m just married with kids, and realize they don’t matter any more.

4) Beer. If it’s not Guinness, it’s crap. Maybe I’m some kind of beer snob, but beer is generally a waste of money and effort. (I don’t value getting shelled. Perhaps that explains my failure to grasp this). A downside of my career change is that my Guinness will likely become a thing of the past, as I wouldn’t want to offend a parishioner with something small like that. It’s unfortunate, you know, because “Toucans in their nests agree that Guinness is good for you…why not go ahead and see what one or toucan do?”

5) Strippers. I haven’t been in a strip bar in years, thank God. My Army pals used me to drive them to the bar, where I would leave them and go play video games on the laptop until they called for me to pick them up. Even when I went to such places in a bachelor party or some event, I wondered – why is this fun? Sure, she’s attractive and almost naked, but so was that woman in the dance club. Neither of them is going home with you…what’s the difference? I though Hooters was much more appealing, because there the waitresses pretend to like you.

I don’t go to Hooters anymore, either. A man has to know his limits.

I get to tag five people to do this meme themselves. How about…




  • We all have our favorite beers...personally Guinness is too heavy for me, except when I am eating a heavy meal like steak or a lot of seafood.

    Strip bars are a thing of the past for me too...long past. I never really enjoyed the atmosphere in them before I got married, although I only went on a few occasions. Not having to visit them now is a 'side benefit' of marriage!

    By Blogger John B., at 5/16/2005 12:07:00 PM  

  • Interesting about beer, none of my friends drink beer at all. Once someone brought a six-pack over to a friends house, drank one, and left the rest in the refrigerator. Over the next couple years the six pack slowly whittled down to two or three beers. It finally got tossed out when the friend moved to another state -- which was disappointing, I was looking forward to the worlds most competitive game of quarters, ever!

    Every now and then I get reminded that my friends are not exactly a random cross section of Americana!

    I'll have to think about my assignment....

    By Blogger Mark, at 5/16/2005 07:46:00 PM  

  • I don't understand how you can immediatly label every woman (or young lady) that puts on low rise pants. I happen to be an EXTREMELY happy married mom of 3 that thanks to good genetics and a lot of will power is still a size 5 and I prefer low rise pants. That is not to say that they come much farther down than just below my belly button, however, they are still low rise. They are more comfortable on hips that have carried three babies! I have longish legs but a short torso, giving the overall appearance of being short... Okay, overall, I guess I am short. But, the litte lower rise makes me look a little bit taller. And they make my tush cuter. Does this mean that I am on the hunt or looking for action from anyone other than my studly husband? NO! It is only egotistical males that still think women dress to impress men! I dress to impress myself... afterall, I'm the one that has to sleep at night!
    You should really try getting over yourself!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5/25/2005 06:08:00 PM  

  • Alright...I am fairly new to the blogging world (as evident by the completely uninspiring layout of my own new blog) so I thought I would meander through some of your old posts...of course, there are many things more intelligent or important to comment on, but I thought I would comment on something simple. I must say I take issue with your SUV commentary. The reasons people choose SUV's over minivans is many. Number one is probably performance. Check out Car & Driver, Motortrend, or any other car enthusiast magazine, and you will see pages upon pages of slams against minivans. While they are economical with purchase price and fuel economy, most have a poor performance rating and terrible residual value. Honda's and Toyota's lead the pack, of course, and aside from a couple of very new models, like one from Mazda, most are sluggish and have poor handling.

    I drive the latest model Expedition. I have seat configuration choices, and the third row now boasts independant rear suspension. Something that makes it smooth and with no "hump" to climb in the back. With all the seats down, I have a longer "bed" and cargo area than most full-size pickups. It is a higher profile vehicle, has side impact air bags, and a V-8, which I not only consider a performace aspect, but a safety issue.

    Here in beautiful Northern Idaho, we are outdoors nearly all year long. In the winter, the AWD, 4-hi, and 4-lo capabilities are paramount, and something few minivans can provide. While I would never bash anyone for their choice in automobiles because there are many factors involved in the purchase, I find the larger cargo room, better performance, comfort features, 4WD, and the safety of the vehicle to be selling points above any minivan.

    Jeff, being the car enthusiast, would probably have to take both dramamine and anti psychotic drugs, if ever forced to drive a minivan against his will. We would rather have a truck or a station wagon when faced with that option. However, with 3 in car seats, a station wagon and most trucks are not options, either.

    It does use a lot of gas, but that is to produce the torque needed for a vehicle with that performace. We also hope to someday save for a boat for our summers on the lakes up here. (I still pray you, Carrie and family will relocate here someday ;) ) I don't think an Odyssey would do very well pulling a pontoon boat...

    By Blogger Rightthinker, at 3/10/2006 01:20:00 PM  

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