Divorce and Remarriage III: When Can a Christian Remarry?

The positions held by the church are similar to the views on divorce – some say there is no remarriage, some say that remarriage is permissible, and some say that it is permissible only in restricted cases.

I) No Remarriage.

Obviously, those who believe that divorce is not possible do not support remarriage! However, there are those who support limited cases of divorce, but do not support remarriage. In fact, this is the testimony of the majority of the early church fathers who address the issue.

In this view, only the death of the spouse dissolves the marriage bond. Jesus’exception allows couples to separate in cases of porneia (normally understood as adultery). However, since porneia does not break the marriage bond, neither spouse can remarry. Hopefully, while remaining apart, the erring mate would be driven to repent and return to his or her spouse. Moreover, the so-called Pauline Privilege (1 Cor 7:15) does not allow deserted believers to remarry. Thus, this view allows separation when there is porneia but never allows remarriage.

Those who hold to this view emphasize that the marriage bond is indissoluble and appeal to the Deuteronomy 24 and kinship argument in support. Likewise, Mark 10 and Luke 16 allow no one to divorce, and Jesus’comments (Matthew 19) on creation ordinances and leaving intact what God has joined leave no room for divorce. In Matt 19:9 Jesus says: “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for porneia, and marries another, commits adultery.” Who commits adultery, according to Jesus? The person who both divorces and remarries. Separation alone without remarriage is not adultery.

This view sees Matt 19:9 as an answer to the Pharisees’ question in 19:3 ( “is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?”). Jesus responds that only porneia is just cause, but even then, one may not remarry without committing adultery. This view can be summarized into four points, which I find completely reasonable according to scripture:

1) divorce for any cause plus remarriage is adultery;

2) divorce because of porneia is acceptable, but no remarriage is allowed;

3) whoever divorces a woman forces her into adultery (i.e., once she remarries), unless the divorce resulted because of her porneia (adultery)—in that case she was already an adulteress before the divorce; and

4) whoever marries a divorcée commits adultery himself.

II) Remarriage is always acceptable.

Honestly, this view isn’t really supported Scripturally. Proponents of this position use several arguments that seem to be (and some are) honestly loving, considerate and thoughtful. However, the merits of the emotions in the argument do not translate to merits of the argument itself! They include some scriptural support, but do not address the breadth of Scriptural prescription. Here are some:

“God made and women for each other, so he wouldn’t want you to be alone.” Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Gen 2:18)

“God wants you to be happy”

“God doesn’t want your children to grow up without a daddy in the home” (Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring.” (Malachi 2:5)

“Divorce is not the unforgivable sin” (but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”—), Mark 3:29

These statements affirm the beauty of marriage, the need to maintain marriages for the sake of children, and the grace of God in Christ. All of these statements (well, not “God wants you to be happy”, since happiness is not a virtue nor possible to produce beyond moments) are true in themselves. God did make men and women for each other, for the purpose of making each other better. God does want children to have a mother and a father, and divorce is not the unforgivable sin. However, none of these represent Biblical justification for ignoring Biblical prescription. Furthermore, the accelerated rate of divorces of those previously divorces demonstrates that this line of reasoning cannot be the right one. Thus, I must dismiss the notion that anyone can remarry for any reason.

III) Remarriage is acceptable only in specific cases.

There are several divorce and remarriage views, most of which are variations of what many call the Erasmian view (named after Erasmus of Rotterdam). Those who hold some form of the Erasmian view consider the exception clauses in Matthew to allow a morally acceptable ground for divorce. Moreover, if divorce is permissible, then remarriage is as well.

Some variations in the Erasmian view stem from one’s understanding of porneia. Many interpret it narrowly to refer only to adultery. On this view, Jesus is saying that if a wife commits adultery, her husband may divorce her and remarry without committing any sin himself. Others object that Matthew’s usual word for adultery is moicheia and that in Matthew 15 he distinguishes between porneia and moicheia. Thus, porneia in Matt 5:32 and 19:9 should be understood in a more general way to refer to any kind of sexual impurity, including adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest.

A further variation of the Erasmian view arises from interpreting Paul as allowing a second ground for divorce (1 Corinthians 7). Paul instructs converts to Christianity not to leave their unbelieving spouses just because they are non-believers. However, if the non-believer leaves the believer and seeks a divorce, the believer is told to let him depart (v. 15); the believer is not bound in such a case. Many understand this to mean that willful desertion of a believer by a non-believer is permissible grounds for divorce. The believer may not initiate divorce proceedings, but if the non-believing spouse does, the divorce is not a sin. Typically, those who think Paul allows divorce for willful desertion argue that if the divorce is morally permissible, so is remarriage.

This view is the view held by many Protestant denominations since the 17^th century, which, unlike the Roman Catholic Church, would be almost their entire time of existence! It is interesting to note, that while the Anglican Church was primarily instituted by the King of England to allow his divorce, the Church of England did not allow divorced people to marry in church until 2002!

There are other reasons that some would add to a limited list of reasons to allow remarriage, and they typically mirror the specific reasons for divorce: physical abuse, danger to the family through substance abuse, financial failure, etc. In fact, while few would say one can divorce for any reason, fewer still would stand against remarriage for any reason. How often have you heard, “Jill and Jim are a great couple, but since Jill left her husband who never cheated on her and was a good man, she shouldn’t be allowed to remarry”? Well, pretty much never. Many will claim to be in the limited divorce/limited remarriage camp, but few are, as evidenced by their actions and words when in a situation that demands an opinion be given.

Obviously, I find the no remarriage and limited remarriage cases most compelling. What I have found difficult is this – while I can find never-divorced leaders who will speak of allowing remarriage, never-divorced leaders who will speak of not allowing remarriage, and divorced leaders who will speak of allowing remarriage, I have not found a divorced leader of character who was divorced for a reason included in Jesus or Paul’s words (or even in Deut 24 – abuse), yet stands against remarriage. Can we interpret this without our experience forcing our hand? Let me know what you all think of the presented ideas.